HI.

Just wanted everyone to know that I do plan to blog here on occasions when there are topics I want to discuss at length but will be blogging daily at What I Ate Yesterday . I hope to see you there!

Nutella Tofu Chocolate Mousse

Tofu, yes, tofu is the secret ingredient in this lovely mousse.  Your friends and family will never know that its there, I promise.

Nutella Tofu Chocolate Mousse

2 12.5 oz packages of firm silken tofu

2 tbsp cocoa powder

3/4 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

Dash of Salt

7.5 oz nutella (half a jar)

1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips

Process the tofu in the food processor or blender until smooth. Add in cocoa powder, sugar, salt and vanilla and process until smooth.  Melt the chocolate chips in the microwave and then add into the tofu mixture. Add in the nutella and process until smooth. Transfer the mousse into a bowl and cover. Chill in the fridge for at least 2 hours.

The Best Fudge Brownies

On a recent trip to North Carolina, the dear husband and I had the best brownies ever. We bought them from a baker at the Farmers Market. Had I known they were going to be so delicious, I would have done my best to get the recipe. Alas, I did not. Since then, I searched the world over for recipes to duplicate these little delights. After a few tries and tweaks, I have come up with the best fudge brownie recipe…ever.

The Best Fudge Brownies

Makes 9 nice sized brownies

8.7 oz of semi-sweet chocolate

6 tablespoons butter

1 tbsp instant coffee

3/4 cup sugar

Dash of salt

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/3 cup all purpose flour or white wheat flour

Powdered Sugar (optional)

Preheat the oven to 325*. Butter and 8 x 8 baking pan and line it with parchement paper. In a double boiler over simmering water, melt the chocolate, butter and instant coffee. Once melted and smooth, remove from heat and beat in sugar and salt with a large wooden spoon. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, and then stir in the vanilla.  Add the flour and stir until the mixture tugs away from the sides of the bowl. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 35 minutes or until a wooden pick tests clean. Let the brownies cool completely in the pan before sprinkling with powdred sugar (optional) and cutting.

To Cause No Harm

Hi Everyone,

Long time no write! Oh, how I miss my bloggie friends!! Many things have been going on with me lately and my mind is finally clear enough write. Though all of the changes I have gone through have been very positive, I have still needed time to process it all.

Over the past few weeks, I have had a coming of age, if you will. Things have changed in every aspect of my life. The first major choice was to become a pescatarian. For those of you who are not familiar with the term, it means that I will no longer eat any meat except fish. I tried being a pesky a couple of years ago and eventually gave up in the middle of a hiking trip when I was craving bologna. I know, bologna is barely meat at all but that was how intense the cravings were. Soon after, I started my yogi adventure and felt so conflicted with eating meat. The first yama of the Yoga Sutra is Ahimsa which in simple terms means to cause no harm.

Ahimsa encompasses so many things. As a human, it is very easy to cause harm, sometimes without even realizing it. We cause harm to the earth every time we choose a paper or plastic bag at the grocery store. We cause harm to ourselves every time we let our negative thoughts destroy our self esteem. And, from my perspective, we cause harm each time we choose to eat meat. I struggled with this so deeply, I eventually signed up for a private lesson with my yoga mentor, Laura. She told me that I may also be causing harm to my own body by not eating meat and I knew that I needed to make the not eating meat decision based on my body. Fast forward about a year which brings us to six or so weeks ago.

The dear husband and I went to Costco and bought loads of meat, every variety you can think of, we bought it. We came home and began packaging it up for the freezer. It was in those moments that the horrid thoughts began to pass through my mind. I felt such deep sympathy for the pig that made the pork chops and the cow that made the steaks. The thought crossed my mind that I didn’t want to eat animals anymore but we had just dropped a boat load of cash on this stuff. How could I tell the dear husband that I didn’t want to eat all of this stuff that we worked hard to buy. At the time, I couldn’t.

I continued to eat meat for a couple of weeks. Each time, the thoughts of the animals became worse. I felt disgust in myself like I had never felt before. I slowly started to do a little research about craving meat as a vegetarian and discovered that protein isn’t the only concern. Despite my best efforts the first time, maybe I wasn’t getting the nutrition I needed in order to sustain a meat free lifestyle. I learned through my research that iron and B12 are very important. I know that I have low blood iron and have often solved the symptoms of it with beef but B12 had never crossed my mind.  I bought some supplements and a few days later, I ate my last piece of meat.

I went back and forth  on whether or not to eat fish and eventually decided that I will eat it from time to time.  I will do my best to avoid it but know that as I transition, there will be occasions that I will eat fish. I hope to one day become a full fledged vegetarian but I am trying to give myself a little leway while I learn the right way to live this lifestyle. I need to learn how to not cause harm to the animals as well as to myself.

Over the next week or so, I hope to share more of my changes with you. I also hope that as the dust settles, I will have more time to blog. I have been so wrapped up in everything that making time to write has fallen to the wayside and yet, once agan, I realize what a special part of my life it is.

Namaste, my friends.

The Latest and Greatest

Welcome to the latest and greatest version of blogging for me. I hope that you all will enjoy the blog just as much as I enjoy writing and being part of the blogging community. I’m not really sure where this blog is going but I know that blogging has been wonderful “therapy” for me in the past. I am happy to have a place to just write about the things that I want to write about without regard to any one topic or another. I have imported in some of my favorites from blogs past and hope to keep sharing the things that make me tick.

Right now, I have a few things going on in my life. I’m working to find myself in so many ways that often times I feel lost. I want to be a fit yogi with a strong sense of emotional well being. I want to care for the environment and be a writer. Other than caring for the environment and blog writing, I am none of those things. I have a tendency to pick things up, get excited and then drop them when it gets hard. But through all of my flippant behaviors and choices, those are the things that stand out as the things I want from life.

I realize that in order to get from life what I want, I have to go out an get it myself. No one can live my dreams for me. I think that what holds me back is my way of thinking. I have very black and white thinking and often times let one set back keep me from moving forward. I want to change the way that I think about life, love, food, money, family….all of it. Through therapy and this blog, I hope to do that.

I hope you all will come along for the ride.

From the Archives: Snobby Joe’s

Adapted from Veganomican Cookbook

The ingredients with an astrick are not part of the original recipe, I added those to suit my own taste.

Ingredients:
1 cup uncooked lentils
4 cups water

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium yellow onion, diced small
1 green pepper, diced small
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 Tablespoons chili powder
2 teaspoons oregano
1 teaspoon salt
8 oz can tomato sauce
1/4 cup tomato paste
3 tablespoons maple syrup
1 tablespoon yellow mustard (wet mustard)

*1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

* 1 can of no salt added diced tomatoes

4 to 6 kaiser rolls or sesame buns

Directions
Put the lentils in a small sauce pot and pour in 4 cups water. Cover and bring to a boil. Once boiling, lower heat and simmer for about 20 minutes, until lentils are soft. Drain and set aside.

About 10 minutes before the lentils are done boiling, preheat a medium soup pot over medium heat. Saute the onion and pepper in the oil for about 7 minutes, until softened. Add the garlic and saute a minute more.

Add the cooked lentils, the chili powder, oregano and salt and mix. Add the tomato sauce, canned tomatoes and tomato paste. Cook for about 10 minutes. Add the maple syrup, balsamic vinegar and mustard and heat through.

Turn the heat off and let sit for about 10 minutes, so that the flavors can meld, or go ahead and eat immediately if you can’t wait. I like to serve these open faced, with a scoop of snobby joe on each slice of the bun.

From the Archives: Bean Burgers

Bean Burgers

1 can of beans, drained and rinsed until bubbles are gone

1/4 cup stuffing mix, crushed but still chunky

1/4 cup corn meal

1/4 cup salsa

1 tbsp mayo (Duke’s )

salt, pepper, chili powder, cumin

olive oil for sauteing

Instructions

In a large bowl, mash the beans until only a quarter of them are still whole. Stir in the rest of the ingredients and season with salt, pepper, chili powder and a pinch of cumin. The mixture should still feel wet but firm enough to form into patties. Shape the mixture into four small patties or two large ones and place on a parchment lined plate. Place in the freezer for at least 15 minutes until they feel more firm. Remove from freezer and put into an oiled skillet over medium heat. Saute on each side until very well browned.

From The Archives: The Monster Ego vs. The Low Self Esteem

Since Dear Husband and I have returned from Hawaii, I have really struggled with my ego in yoga classes. I am not generally an egotistical type of person…at all but I realized when we came back that I have been bringing some sort of ego monster with me to yoga class. My first vinyasa class with Sonja kicked my butt all over the place and all I could think was “what is wrong with me, why can’t I keep up”. At my yoga studio, Sonja is known to be the ass kicker which was a quality that I had previously enjoyed. After my three week honeymoon, not so much. I even struggled in Linda’s Hatha Flow class. What was wrong with me?

So, I talked with Laura, the studio owner, about chaning to less intense classes. And low and behold, instead of dragging my low self esteem with me, I have been dragging my monster ego. I found myself comparing myself to others and wanting to be “the best” in the class. After a lot of thought, I realized, I have always done this. Is my downward dog better than hers? How does my warrior IIcompare to his? Maybe I will be the only one that doesn’t get corrected by the teacher? Haha, I don’t need a block for that pose but skinny blond girl does.

What was coming over me? Why is it that I struggle to find the perfect slimming outfit every morning and sometimes get to the point of tears because I hate my body so much but in yoga I am an egotistical jerk? Is that why I like yoga so much, because it creates a level of self esteem that I have never had? Why is it that even with the reminders from the teachers that yoga is no place for the ego that I bring it in full force? And how do I stop this madness?

I have been pondering this subject for a few days now and was determined not to carry my ego into last night’s hatha flow class with Laura. Laura is the very opposite of Sonja, she is gentle and slow. We arrive early and I am relived to find the usual suspects there, no one that really drives my ego into either direction. Though, there is this one woman who scrapes my nerves because she “warms up” before class by doing all of these obscene poses. So, anyway, class is about to begin and a tall skinny blond chick shows up. Great, just what I need. Not only is she tall, skinny and blond but I bet she can rock the poses and of course my hamstrings are pulled so I won’t be able to show her how good I am. This wasn’t going the way I had planned.

As the class progressed, I found myself watching her to see what she could do. She could do it all, I kept thinking about my friend, Sarah, who was behind her and wondering how she felt. I kept thinking that I was so glad that I had chosen my safe corner in the room. And then the kicker happened. Laura told us to move into legs up the wall and then started saying that if we wanted do do shoulder stand then we could but to be advised that there would be no fish poseto follow. My mind was racing, who among us was going to do shoulder stand? Not me, of all of the yoga poses in all of the world, shoulder stand is my nemesis. It makes my back hurt because I don’t have the core strength to get into it without using momentum instead of strength. Laura has advised that I continue to build core strength until I feel more ready. So, no shoulder stand for me. I gracefully turned my head to see who it was doing the sacred shoulder stand. And you guessed it, it was tall skinny blonde chick. What a show off bitch. Eh…maybe, maybe not but that was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Clearly, my little plan to leave my ego at the door did not work. I guess I need to find the place within my self that allows me to do things without comparing myself to others. Whether it is in yoga class or at the mall buying size 16 pants. I think in my next private lesson with Laura, I’m going to discuss this with her and find out how to make it happen. I know that I have to go somewhere deep inside, I’m just not sure it is a place I have ever been.

Namaste

From the Archives: I *am* changing the world one bag at a time

I try to be as green as I can and try to continue improving daily. I am always looking for a way to make a difference. And today my friends, I feel as though one person really can change the world.

Dear Husband and I have been shopping with canvas bags for quite some time now. It all started in our local health food store Ellwood Thompson. I bought my first canvas bag and the obsession began. We take them everywhere and let me tell you, they are not always well received. I’ve actually resorted to bagging my own groceries in some places. Some places are stepping up a realizing that things have to change and are starting to offer bag credits for every bag you use of your own. I think that is swell. I can save the world and save some money.

A few months into my bag obsession, I saw an Oprah show about going green. Oprah asked if paper or plastic was the best and I knew that the answer was neither. I felt smug that I was one step ahead of the Oprah show. Later in the show, she introduced produce bags. Oh my, new bags for my collection and yet another way to save some plastic. I went to buy the bags right away but for days and days they were sold out. I stalked the site until finally, the bags were available.

I was so excited when my produce bags came. We used them for the first time and people stared at us in the produce department like we had 14 heads or something. The cashier was intrigued and commented that they were interesting. Within a few weeks of having the produce bags, I headed back to Ellwood Thompson and used my bags for produce and for bulk grains. This time the cashier was very excited. She was calling attention to my bags with everyone in the store. She wanted to know where they came from and I proudly said “Ecobags.com”, once again I was feeling smug. An low and behold, guess what happened. The very next time I was in ET’s, they had custom printed produce bags for sale in the store. Now, I’m not sure if this was a result of my little bags but I sure would like to think so.

My little bags have been causing a stir everywhere I go. But yesterday, I must tell you that I felt the proudest I have ever felt about them. We went to Charlottesville, VA with some friends to spend the day at the lovely Historic Downtown Mall. We had also decided that we would visit the Mecca, Whole Foods. I was excited, health food stores are one of my favorite places and since we don’t have a Whole Foods here, I couldn’t wait. While packing the car, I threw in my canvas bags ready to fill them to the brims with yummy healthy food and cheese.

We probably spent an hour or so in the store, roaming the aisles, trying samples of good food and filling our little cart. While we were looking at the bread, I saw that they had the cutest little shopping bags and I mentioned to my dearly beloved that we had to buy a couple of them. I wanted one for myself and one for Traci from work. I had recently turned her on to using canvas bags as well. I even earned the nickname “Hippie” for it with my co-workers. So, as we gathered our things and put them on the belt I added two more bags to my ever growing collection.

And while shelling out what seemed like my whole paycheck, the man bagging my groceries said “These are cool, where did you get these” and I was feeling prouder than every. No way was the Whole Foods dude asking about MY bags. I proudly said “Ecobags.com” and he pried a little more. He wanted to know how much I paid and wondered if they could get them custom printed for Whole Foods to carry in the store. Oh, I was feeling more smug than ever.

I can’t wait to go back to that Whole Foods and see those bags for sale. It feels good to know that I *am* making a difference one bag at a time.

From the Archives: When are you due?

Yesterday, I was at the local veggie stand, doing the right thing, buying local with my organic cotton produce bags and my canvas shopping bags when all of a sudden it happened. The lovely little old lady that makes me think of my grandma said “So, when are you due?”. After fumbling on my words for a minutes, I said “I’m not pregnant”. A look of horror swept her face and she told me that she was sorry. She began to fumble on her words, too. And my witty humor defense mechanism kicked in and I said “ah, no worries, I’m just fat” and I laughed. She handed me my change and patted my hand gently and once again said that she was sorry. I turned around fighting back tears and said to my dear husband that I planned to never wear the dress that I was wearing again.

In the car, it took all I had to not burst into tears. I drove home softly weeping just begging for my driveway to appear. Thank goodness I was shopping locally. I’m not sure what would have happened if I would have had to stay in public any longer. Once I arrived home, the tears and heavy sobs began to flow. I crawled into my big soft bed and cried until I felt like I couldn’t cry anymore. Dear husband stood by and rubbed my back. I felt as if everything I had ever done in this quest for good health and a trim body had been done in vain. I felt that I MUST look that way because, if there is a god, he or she knows that I would NEVER ask a woman that unless I was absolutely 100% positive that she was pregnant. In a nutshell, my feelings have never been more hurt and on top of that I was hungry. I had been hungry for 2 hours and this whole thing made me feel guilty for being hungry.

After my sob fest, I took a shower and calmed down immensely. We hung out, played the wii, watched some tv and did the normal “it is hot as hell and no way am I stepping outside” Saturday afternoon thing. By dinner time, I was ravished with emotion again. And I, being the good little food addict that I am, turned to food. I ate and ate and ate until I couldn’t fit in another bite. With every bite I took my hurt feelings turned into guilt and the pain just grew. At one point, my dearly beloved even asked me if I was still hungry. This should have been a major red light but I just said “not really” and kept shoving it in. At the end of my food party, I felt sick and sad and guilty. That food really helped, huh?

And do you want to know the most ironic part? The most ironic part is that only 2 days ago, I was telling my friend Mara that I was actually in a place of acceptance of being the size that I am. Funny the difference a day can make. Now I am miserable coming up with exercise schemes in my wacked out brain.

Makes me think of my friend “hot” Kelly at work. Kelly is hot. She is gorgeous, has a smokin’ hot bod, dresses in the most fashionable clothing and get this, she is also the nicest person you could ever dream of meeting. Makes you want to vomit really. Jealous Much? Not me. Ha. Anyway, Kelly is a naturally thin person. She eats “whatever she wants”, exercise is just a “normal” part of her day, she doesn’t think of it as torture, she actually enjoys it. She walks 4 miles every morning, rain or shine. She attends 2 pilates classes per week and she does Px90 or something like that. She deserves her smokin’ hot bod. But I digress.

It makes me think of her because I want that dedication. I want exercise to just be a natural part of my life. I want to be able to just pop out of bed at the crack ass of dawn and get to moving my booty. And everyday of my life, I don’t do that. Maybe tomorrow.